Taming the Back to School Jitters

It is back to school season and with that your kids may feel any number of emotions – excitement, anticipation, worry, and even dread! And while it’s typical for children to have some back-to-school jitters, it can be hard on us as parents to know how to best help them. As a parent of three children, school counsellor and parenting consultant with Onyx Assessments, I would like to share five strategies to reduce your children’s anxiety – and yours!

Be Empathetic

It is easy for us parents to forget how stressful the start of a new school year can be, after all, for many of us, it's been ages since we went to school! Because we are human, it is tempting to tell our kids, “Don’t worry about it!” or “Last year was great - this year will be great too!” Resist the urge to tell your kids not to worry. Rarely is that effective.

Instead, respond with empathy.

Think back to the last time you started a new job or moved to a new community – you likely had some jitters to work through! Acknowledging your child’s feelings and empathizing with their worry tells them that you are right alongside them when their feelings are big. Empathy shows that you are there to support. As a school counsellor, I’ve let my kids in on a little secret - I still get the jitters on the first day of school, too! Having an empathetic response can help our kids identify their feelings. Identifying one’s feelings is the first step in helping tame them.

Watch Your Own Worry

Let’s face it - You might be worried too about your kids going back to school! You may be worried about the tears at drop-off, the texts from your stressed-out teenager, or there may be a classroom dynamic you are hoping doesn’t repeat itself. These feelings are fair too!

Did you know though, that feelings are contagious?!

Sometimes we inadvertently spread our worry to our children. One way we do this is by asking them a lot of questions about what they are nervous about. “Are you nervous about your locker?”, “Have you seen your schedule yet?”, “I sure hope that kid who was mean to you isn’t in your class this year!” These types of comments can add more anxiety to the situation. Instead, it may be helpful to express your worries to your partner or a friend. When talking to your kid, try open-ended questions about the start of school: “How are you feeling about school?” or “Do you have any questions about the start of the school year I can help you with?”. This approach leaves room for the expression of any feelings that you can work through together. Also, try your best to resist the urge to ask these questions every five minutes - enjoy those precious last days of summer just having fun together.

Make A Plan And Do A Run Through

Because the unknown of school is what causes most back-to-school jitters, try reducing as many unknowns as possible. For example, if the school is new to your kid, drive by a few times and show them where you will park for drop off and pick up. You can go play at the playground to familiarize and excite them! If they take the bus, find the bus stop and practice walking to it together. Maybe use their special new lunch kit on the days leading up to school and fill it with all the fun lunch stuff they get to enjoy. Pack their backpack well in advance and practice using a lock or tying their shoes so they feel prepared. While you can’t address all the unknowns of this new beginning, reducing some of them can bring a sense of calm.

Attend The School Orientations

Many schools have orientation days, locker days, and bus practice days. These are meant to reduce anxiety by having your child meet school staff, walk around the building, or learn how to scan their bus pass.

If your school does not provide these opportunities, do your best to orient your child without seeing the school or bus in person.  School staff, like an administrator or counsellor who may be available to answer some questions ahead of the school year starting.

I made the mistake of not taking my kindergarten kiddo on the bus orientation day. They ended up crying in fear on the first day unsure of how to get off the bus -- oops! They survived and now board the bus without issues, but I sure learned a lesson!

Have A Connection Ritual

After a summer of family fun your kiddo may have a hard separating from you. In the days leading up to back to school, consider creating a connection ritual or item that you share with your child. Sending a special note in their backpack that they can see when they get to school may be a connection ritual that fits for your family. Making your connection to your child visible, even though you cannot always be with them, can give them (and you!) the confidence and calm to have a successful back to school.

I’ve done special goodbye handshakes, made a locket with my picture in it for my kiddo to wear, and have had one of my children walk the other sibling to their classroom door for a special hug at the start of the day.

These five strategies can go a long way in easing both your children’s and your own back-to-school anxiety. By approaching the new school year with empathy and understanding, you help your kids feel seen and supported. Managing your own concerns, reducing the unknowns, attending school orientations, and creating meaningful connection rituals can all help foster a smoother transition. While back-to-school jitters are natural, being proactive and emotionally present can make a big difference in helping your child feel prepared and confident for the school year ahead.

Happy back to school!